I have never been the type of person that does not do what she wants. I am the type of person that thinks I deserve something and will usually never settle for less. But in the last little while I have felt like I am settling in many ways for different aspects of my life. Maybe not so much settling but letting myself be directed by other people instead of stepping up and leading my own life.
I am a single mom to a great child; I do not receive support for him, unless I ask which happens about twice a year for reasons such as glasses, dentist or necessities. Before I left his dad I was the type of person who would have said that every parent should support their child in any way possible, and now I sit back and do not fight for what I know my child deserves in order to tend to his basic needs. I moved in with my parents when I left his dad, I am still there this was not my plan whatsoever, but for now it's the place I have no choice but to be.
Recently my patience and emotions were pushed by a friend and I've been thinking about how I handle such situations. As much as I like to think that I can confront anyone at any time...I can't. This was not the Natasha from many years ago, I am kind of disappointed that she is lost somewhere and I need to find her. Part of my life seems like a secret and that just eats away at me, in moments where anyone should be able to just live free, I hide.
This past week has actually been quite nice; I have been house sitting for my amazing friends. They gave me full access to their house, hot tub and vehicles. It's been nice to get away from home, I discovered during this time the awesomeness of having my own place. Not only is it nice to be alone just Jamie and I, but it was awesome to see my friend come and visit ME. A lot went down during this week I became closer to some friends and distanced myself from others. I think I will be looking for my own place soon. Thanks Shannon and Jamie for reminding me how awesome it is to be on my own. Don't get me wrong staying with my parents has its advantages but it also has many disadvantages.
Well this isn’t the New Years Resolution or anything but I believe that I need a bit of change in my life now. I want to be treated like I should be and respected as well. So I am hoping you guys will support me and laugh alongside on this ride we call life. This may seem like a ramble blog, it is.. Maybe it’s the glass of wine I just had on Valentine’s Day while I watch all the Valentine TV special or perhaps it’s just me…rambling…lol
Well to all my special people out there I love you all!!!
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